Episode 2 (18+)
Schnauzer
lovers. Before this story's over you'll
understand my aversion to the little fuckers.
Schnauzers. Shoot, they wouldn't even make good trot line bait.
So anyway, my friend fixes me up with her
new roommate and we meet for drinks the
first night. We really hit it off too. Not the stay
up all night talking like we're lost soul mates
that have been searching for each other all of our lives kinda hittin' it off. Just the hey, this
was fun and I'd definitely like to get to know
you better so let's do it again real soon and I
really mean it when I say I'll call you kinda
hittin' it off. And there was some of that sexual
tension stuff goin' on too. We both knew it and knew that it was just a matter of time
before we got to know each other a whole lot
better if you know what I mean.
The next date was gonna be a dinner date so I
went to pick her up at her apartment and
that's when I got to meet the little bug-eyed fur balls that she referred to as "The Girls".
Schnauzers. Two of them. I probably should
have realized that something was just a little
off when she introduced me to "The Girls" and
one of them was "A Boy" and he immediately
introduced his mangy assed little self to me by humpin' my leg. Can you believe it? I've got on
one of my best friggin' suits and this sorry
assed excuse for a dog is leavin' pecker tracks
all over it. And she says, "Aw, isn't he cute. He
really likes you. He usually doesn't like
strangers". Oh, fuckin' boy. He likes me. I'm bettin' the no nutted little bastard would've
been humpin' my leg whether he liked me or
not. Schnauzers have no pride.
Anyway, she's not quite ready and tells me to
make myself comfortable and I do and the
second she leaves the room the female half of "The Girls" jumps up on the couch and tries to
get into my lap and lick my face and the horn
dog mounts my leg again and starts humpin'
like I'm prime "Grade A" Schnauzer pussy. So I
did the only thing that I could do. The only
thing a red blooded American Yuppie that hasn't completely forgotten his country roots
and is wearin' an expensive suit could do. I
gently sat the little girl dog down on the floor
and thumped the little hump-hump boy dog
on his nose. Just a little thump. He yelped. Just
a little yelp. Most people wouldn't have heard a yelp like that or if they did they would have
ignored it. Not the gal with the bionic ears. Of
course I denied any knowledge of why he
yelped when she came out and started talkin'
baby talk to the horny little shit head.
"Whasamattawidmommieswiddlebabywaby. Didhehuthimwiddleself?" Good God granny I
hate baby talk. I especially hate it when
someone talks baby talk to an overpriced dog
with a more expensive haircut than mine and
with his clanky little toe nails painted all blue
and with a cute little blue collar and a precious little blue ribbon in his wiry assed hair. Did I
mention that cute makes me wanna hurl?
But the date goes well and the good night
kisses rocked my socks and I'm pretty sure that
when she grabbed my ass it wasn't an accident
like she said. You girls are sneaky that way, ya know? We promised to get together again real
soon and I said I'd call later in the week to see
what was happenin'. All in all, a pretty good
night.
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